Letting Go

Let me start by saying that I am so very proud of my daughter. She is sixteen and is a strong young woman who is very adept at navigating social situations. She even applied to, and got hired at her  first job, all by herself. She hopes to save enough money to travel to Japan by herself after she graduates high school. She is also thinking about living in Japan. A little closer on the horizon is a flight to see her estranged father several states away. She has never flown and has not seen her father since she was eighteen months old. Yet, my daughter, is totally excited to have that experience!

I am so happy for her……. but terrified at the same time. She is my only child. We have never been that far apart before. I won’t be there to make sure she gets to her connecting flight or help her if she gets confused about what to do next. I won’t be there to comfort her if the reunion with her father doesn’t go as planned. I won’t be able to keep her safe. I am terrified of letting her go, but I know that it is better for her in the long run if she learns how to do this alone. I have to trust her father to keep her safe while she is with him. I have to put my needs to the side. I don’t want my daughter to worry about me.

It’s not easy letting go. From taking their first steps to learning to drive, parents want to be there to cradle every fall and kiss every boo-boo. But to raise a capable,independent and confident young woman, such as my daughter, letting go is par for the course.

Teaching Equality

It’s never to late to teach your kids how to have a healthy relationship. Kids learn how to navigate relationships by watching their parents. We parents are human though. We make mistakes. Sometimes we unintentionally tech the wrong lesson. My daughter learned from my relationship with my second husband, that the man makes the rules of the house, controls the money, the discipline and the mood of the house. In retrospect, I regret exposing her to that way of thinking. However, I was making my own mistakes at that time. My daughter was a victim of circumstance. I can show her a better way now. I can teach her that in order to be respected by others, we must first respect ourselves. We must not allow the tyrants of the world  destroy our vision of who we are. In a marriage, there should be no degradation or humiliation. In a healthy marriage you are a partner, equal in everything you do. There is no, “It’s a man’s job!” or “That’s woman’s work!”. My current relationship is jam packed with respect and compromise! It’s wonderful! I am so lucky that I am finally able to demonstrate these attributes to my daughter at a time in her life when she is starting to think about serious relationships. And, wouldn’t you know, she is actually learning how to be respectful and compromise. It’s not too late! I was able to get to her in time! I am so thankful for that. I know it will make a difference in her quality of life.